Sometimes I see topics on my homepage that look like they’d be an entertaining read. Today’s entertaining read was “How to Ask a Guy Out”.
Apparently I have to be direct. . . No wait, indirect. It says be both or either. Apparently, I’m to invite him but let him feel powerful and in charge. “Hello there, you great example of dominance and fertility, you – How would you like to eat a steak with me tonight? It can be raw and you don’t have to use a fork if you want. . . What? You have to kill a wildebeest with your bare hands and then invent fire? . . Oh, well another time then.”
We have to come up with a plan but don’t over-plan it. So does that mean I can come up with the first four words of the invitation but I have to let the following seven words be spontaneous? I realize I shouldn’t come up to him with a 3 layer cake with “So, you up for some pizza tonight?” I mean seriously, the cake would ruin his appetite and that would be a good $20 down the drain. And I shouldn’t run up all of the sudden and blurt out “Eat pizza with me tonight!” as soon as the thought hit my mind. That’d freak him out and I’d probably get a side cramp from the sudden dash over to ask him.
My favorite part was this “Don’t come on too strong . . .Approach the object of your desire as you would a timid bunny rabbit.” Are you kidding me? Am I to walk slowly because sudden movements would scare him, and slowly stick out my hand so he can smell it and become familiar with me? What’s he going to think? “Oh, she smells like coconuts. I like coconuts. And she moves slowly. I won’t get scared while munching on my lettuce.” Then while on my date, should I offer him carrots and a newspaper to pee on?
No wonder we have issues asking men out! I mean, it’s easy for guys. . . All they have to do is say “Hey, you want to (fill in the blank)?” and we’ll say yes. Women on the other hand have to be directly indirect while planning spontaneously and approaching the guy like he’s a long-eared over-productive rodent.
Apparently I have to be direct. . . No wait, indirect. It says be both or either. Apparently, I’m to invite him but let him feel powerful and in charge. “Hello there, you great example of dominance and fertility, you – How would you like to eat a steak with me tonight? It can be raw and you don’t have to use a fork if you want. . . What? You have to kill a wildebeest with your bare hands and then invent fire? . . Oh, well another time then.”
We have to come up with a plan but don’t over-plan it. So does that mean I can come up with the first four words of the invitation but I have to let the following seven words be spontaneous? I realize I shouldn’t come up to him with a 3 layer cake with “So, you up for some pizza tonight?” I mean seriously, the cake would ruin his appetite and that would be a good $20 down the drain. And I shouldn’t run up all of the sudden and blurt out “Eat pizza with me tonight!” as soon as the thought hit my mind. That’d freak him out and I’d probably get a side cramp from the sudden dash over to ask him.
My favorite part was this “Don’t come on too strong . . .Approach the object of your desire as you would a timid bunny rabbit.” Are you kidding me? Am I to walk slowly because sudden movements would scare him, and slowly stick out my hand so he can smell it and become familiar with me? What’s he going to think? “Oh, she smells like coconuts. I like coconuts. And she moves slowly. I won’t get scared while munching on my lettuce.” Then while on my date, should I offer him carrots and a newspaper to pee on?
No wonder we have issues asking men out! I mean, it’s easy for guys. . . All they have to do is say “Hey, you want to (fill in the blank)?” and we’ll say yes. Women on the other hand have to be directly indirect while planning spontaneously and approaching the guy like he’s a long-eared over-productive rodent.
3 comments:
Oh how sadly true...:( -
You're hilarious!!!
I'm new to your blog, it was recommended to me by my wife. Becuase I'm smart and want to stay married I do as she tells me to do. I'm not a dog, just that smart :-)!
Anyway, I have to say this is w/out question, the best blog I've EVER seen in my life. That is not to say that I've lived a long time, I'm less than 30, but I've been around the block enough to recognize great when I see it. You're a tour de force (that's a good thing) and I will come back to this blog often!
Well if people didn't know I wasn't working they know now! I couldn't help but laugh until I was crying. It's so true though.
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