Leftovers?

This morning, I opened the office fridge which is always a dangerous and brave feat in itself. There is always a jar of health drink, half eaten yogurts, dried carrot sticks, various and sundry spills, and a Tupperware from December toting something that has sprouted life and is heaving with a raspy breath of doom. Today provided a new surprise.

When we’re working late nights on our games, the company kindly provides us with dinners. Monday was one such evening. We were given sub sandwiches, pickles, cookies, and chips. Not all of the sandwiches were eaten that night so the large platter was covered and placed in the fridge for lunches. Yesterday, I noticed a couple sandwiches left and thought nothing of it. Today however, under the plastic lid, lie a single open hoagie roll with a shriveled tomato slice, withered lettuce leaf, and mayo. The meat and cheese were gone.

Let me paint the scenario:

One of the men paid by Disney for their impressive ability to create video games for children went into the kitchen last night. He thought to himself. “I’m hungry” and went to the fridge. “Aha!” he says to himself. “A Three day old sandwich, perfect!” He pulled out the 2 foot in diameter tray carrying the single sandwich from the fridge and opened it. He pulled out the sandwich and opted to forego the healthy vegetables and the carb-ridden roll so he carefully took out the meat and cheese. He wadded the handful of protein with one hand and shoved it into his mouth then placed the remnants back onto the tray and gingerly placed it back into the fridge. As he closed the door, he wiped his mayonnaise covered hand on his jeans and smiled to himself, pleased with his midnight snack.

Really? I thought the “Survival of the fittest” thing would’ve had him eaten by superiors a long time ago.

A few years ago, one of my young friends asked my pal and I about dating ladies. We mulled it over and came up with a list. We emailed him this list and he was married shortly afterwards. He recently put the list on his Facebook page and made me wax nostalgic. So I thought I'd make it a bit more public. Even though the list was geared towards a 21 year old young man about 7 years ago, it still applies. Enjoy.

Joseph,

Here is the list that we have compiled so far. Enjoy, and don't get too stressed out about it.

1. Never let a girl walk to her car alone (especially at night).
2. Call her up just to say hello.
3. If you think of a compliment, say it.
4. Every once in a while, give her flowers for no reason. Wildflowers, daisies, and tulips are best.
5. When walking on the sidewalk, you walk closest to the street.
6. Open doors for her
7. Don't talk about money or debt. It makes a girl feel uncomfortable.(Especially when you are sitting in a nice restaurant)
8. Ask her questions about herself and actually listen to her responses
9. When going on a date, NEVER say, "Well, what do you want to do?" Always have a few ideas in mind and let her choose if you really don't know what to do.
10. Be yourself.
11. Don't tell her that you will call her, unless you plan on it. There’s no rule that says you have to say, "I'll call you." If you don't think you'll actually call, don't say it.
12. Try to remember things that she says. It is flattering when a guy remembers something that you've said before.
13. Don't talk about ex-girlfriends, past dates that you've had, or any other girl.
14. Look her in the eye when you are talking, and SMILE.
15. You don't have to spend a lot of money to impress a girl. Every once in a while is nice, though.
16. Compliment her in front of other people. Always make her look good (don't pick on her in front of others).
17. Did we mention to smile enough? You have a great one, flaunt it.
18. If you're sitting at your pad (or a party or wherever that this may be possible), offer to get her a drink.
19. She'll probably dote on you too. Show appreciation for what she does; don't take it for granted.
20. When you say you'll call and mean it (see #11), make sure and do so within the next couple of days. Women over analyze things and if you don't call within 3 days, she's going to start thinking you're not interested.
21. Know or learn how to dance. If you ever end up in a situation where there's dancing, she's going to want you to ask her . . . It's the whole "You're proud to be seen with her" thing.
22. If she's coming out of a high vehicle or off a stage etc, take her hand to help her down.
23. When you do start kissing (stop blushing, it will happen), show respect and don't man handle . . . Women love gentle kisses, not sloppy or too hard (especially in the beginning).
24. Find out what some of her passions or hobbies are and try to work them into a date (does she like art? Take her to a museum . . . Play the piano?Take her to a concert (of the orchestra type)). While you're there, ask her opinion and learn from her.
25. If it's your passion or hobby, take her and tell her about it . . .She'll love that you're sharing something you appreciate with her.
26. If you feel so inclined, women love poetry or song lyrics . . . Maybe you could write some for her. She'll blush up a storm but will keep it forever.
27. Make her a CD of some of your favorite music. Again, she'll love that you're sharing some of yourself with her.
28. Try to do something other than the movies for the first few dates.They're all right once you're in a relationship but don't allow for a lot of "getting to know you" time for the beginning of a relationship.
29. Don't talk about your weight in front of a girl. She will start to think that you are hinting around that she is fat.
30. Treat her with respect in private as well as public places. She will be watching to see how you treat her.
31. Get to know her roommates or family. They have a lot of influence on her, whether she realizes it or not. If they say you are a jerk, you are a jerk.

There you go pumpkin. We may add more from time to time. Feel free to ask us any questions about this list. Love you like a rock!

Martha & Casey