A few years ago, one of my young friends asked my pal and I about dating ladies. We mulled it over and came up with a list. We emailed him this list and he was married shortly afterwards. He recently put the list on his Facebook page and made me wax nostalgic. So I thought I'd make it a bit more public. Even though the list was geared towards a 21 year old young man about 7 years ago, it still applies. Enjoy.

Joseph,

Here is the list that we have compiled so far. Enjoy, and don't get too stressed out about it.

1. Never let a girl walk to her car alone (especially at night).
2. Call her up just to say hello.
3. If you think of a compliment, say it.
4. Every once in a while, give her flowers for no reason. Wildflowers, daisies, and tulips are best.
5. When walking on the sidewalk, you walk closest to the street.
6. Open doors for her
7. Don't talk about money or debt. It makes a girl feel uncomfortable.(Especially when you are sitting in a nice restaurant)
8. Ask her questions about herself and actually listen to her responses
9. When going on a date, NEVER say, "Well, what do you want to do?" Always have a few ideas in mind and let her choose if you really don't know what to do.
10. Be yourself.
11. Don't tell her that you will call her, unless you plan on it. There’s no rule that says you have to say, "I'll call you." If you don't think you'll actually call, don't say it.
12. Try to remember things that she says. It is flattering when a guy remembers something that you've said before.
13. Don't talk about ex-girlfriends, past dates that you've had, or any other girl.
14. Look her in the eye when you are talking, and SMILE.
15. You don't have to spend a lot of money to impress a girl. Every once in a while is nice, though.
16. Compliment her in front of other people. Always make her look good (don't pick on her in front of others).
17. Did we mention to smile enough? You have a great one, flaunt it.
18. If you're sitting at your pad (or a party or wherever that this may be possible), offer to get her a drink.
19. She'll probably dote on you too. Show appreciation for what she does; don't take it for granted.
20. When you say you'll call and mean it (see #11), make sure and do so within the next couple of days. Women over analyze things and if you don't call within 3 days, she's going to start thinking you're not interested.
21. Know or learn how to dance. If you ever end up in a situation where there's dancing, she's going to want you to ask her . . . It's the whole "You're proud to be seen with her" thing.
22. If she's coming out of a high vehicle or off a stage etc, take her hand to help her down.
23. When you do start kissing (stop blushing, it will happen), show respect and don't man handle . . . Women love gentle kisses, not sloppy or too hard (especially in the beginning).
24. Find out what some of her passions or hobbies are and try to work them into a date (does she like art? Take her to a museum . . . Play the piano?Take her to a concert (of the orchestra type)). While you're there, ask her opinion and learn from her.
25. If it's your passion or hobby, take her and tell her about it . . .She'll love that you're sharing something you appreciate with her.
26. If you feel so inclined, women love poetry or song lyrics . . . Maybe you could write some for her. She'll blush up a storm but will keep it forever.
27. Make her a CD of some of your favorite music. Again, she'll love that you're sharing some of yourself with her.
28. Try to do something other than the movies for the first few dates.They're all right once you're in a relationship but don't allow for a lot of "getting to know you" time for the beginning of a relationship.
29. Don't talk about your weight in front of a girl. She will start to think that you are hinting around that she is fat.
30. Treat her with respect in private as well as public places. She will be watching to see how you treat her.
31. Get to know her roommates or family. They have a lot of influence on her, whether she realizes it or not. If they say you are a jerk, you are a jerk.

There you go pumpkin. We may add more from time to time. Feel free to ask us any questions about this list. Love you like a rock!

Martha & Casey

FYI

So I was talking to a couple men in my office today and their questions prompted me to write another entry here. You can thank them later.

Ahem. Ok gentlemen,

A woman never wants to hear she looks anything other than pretty. When I was a teenager, I was at a beach party and a less-than socially adept guy looked at me and said “You know Casey, you’re not very cute when you’re wet.” I wanted to say “Well, you’re not cute when you’re dry so out of the two of us, I’d say I’m luckier.” But I refrained.

This brings me back to the point. Don’t ever look at a girl and say “You look tired”. In fact, to stay on the safe side of things, don’t ever use an un-flattering adjective when describing a woman’s appearance. You may get your eyes scratched. But, if you’re daring and know for a fact that that woman is feeling less than perfect (let’s say you just saw her vomit on her shoes or she’s just used a tissue to wipe the tear-induced mascara streaks from under her eyes), you may say something like “you’re not looking your best. . . Do you need me to do anything?” A follow-up question showing your concern for her welfare is the only way you can say something like that safely.

So, as a recap- you cannot use the following adjectives: sick, angry, swollen, sad, obtuse, vapid, mental, upset, wretched, mousy, feeble, plastered, drugged, plain, pale, pregnant, sea-sick, bored, comatose, scared, green, or any of their variations unless you’re brave or stupid.

So Old-fashioned, I know.

Ok, since I last checked into the mother ship, I’ve done quite a few things. I spent some time with my family at a beach house in Neskowin, Oregon where we made a most stellar sand castle, I dove into the barely above freezing water to be a good big sister, and walked a ton. Since then, I’ve spent just about every waking moment at work, pulling crazy 80+ hour weeks. . . Oddly enough, and I’ve actually had time for dates this week. Ok, one and a half. The other will be happening tomorrow.

And herein lies the beef.

I just want to put this out there. You see, I’ve dated for over half my life and yes, the protocol has changed, I recognize that. Now, the guy doesn’t have to come into my living room to meet my dad before he takes me to miniature golf and milkshakes. In fact, if it’s a first date, I don’t usually even let him pick me up. We meet somewhere public (especially if it’s a blind date) just for safty. Now, I don’t receive a phone call on Wednesday asking me out for Friday. Instead, I get a text message on Monday asking me out on Tuesday. When did Tuesday become a date night? It’s fine, I’m cool like that.

Not that I mind texts. They’re fun for the occasional flirt and “Be there in 5 min” kind of thing. But when a guy asks for your number so he can text you? C’mon. The word “telephone” means “transmitting speech sounds over a distance”, not “avoiding actual contact with a person before it’s absolutely necessary”. (On a side note, this 87 emails before you meet when you live 15 minutes away thing is ridiculous. You’ve built this huge thing up in your mind only to meet a totally un-stellar, perfectly normal, one-pant leg at a time person sitting across from you at the booth at Denny’s.)

But am I so archaic in my thought process here? When a guy asks me out on Tuesday for a date on Friday, am I wrong in assuming he’ll have some sort of plan? I’ve had some dates who had every moment planned out. They even offered to order for me at a restaurant with food I couldn’t pronounce. That was kind of cool. I felt very taken care of. I’ve also had dates who didn’t have a plan cemented in stone, but have several options thought out and that was great. They gave me choices, obviously keeping in mind that I had an opinion too. But the ones who pick me up and say “where do you want to go?” just make me want to belt them in the gut. . . Especially when they’ve had several days to think about it.

Girls like to know they’re on someone’s mind and that’s evident if you start the date with some sort of plan. . . . ESPECIALLY THE FIRST DATE! Show that you have some backbone man! Take her to a place you really like and know so that you feel comfortable there! Don’t expect her to make all the decisions! Do you know how long it took her to choose that top and those shoes that you’re probably not even noticing in the first place?

Holy freakin’ cow.