It’s interesting how many times I’ve been in conversations
with groups of singles and the dialogue always moves to dating, fashion, and
interaction with the opposite sex. I
must say I’ve learned a lot from really random sources; observation, dating,
performing onstage, people watching, script writing, logic, social situations
(everywhere from dance clubs, crowded beaches, church events, clubs, etc),
walking through a crowded city, and personal shopping – to name a few. Out of all those, I’d say observation has to
be the most effective way of learning about male/female relationships. I’ll admit I’m not a professional and I’ve
got several hundred flaws, but my fascination with human interaction has taught
me a lot about how to be with the opposite sex.
Men:
1.
First of all, we women are nervous, self-conscious
wrecks and we personalize everything.
Remember that.
2.
Because of #1, we need you to be confident. You
may be agitated and nervous because you’re on a date with your dream girl. But when you sit uncomfortably at the table
worried about your breath, avoiding eye contact because she makes you sweat, folding
your arms because you don’t know what to do with them while you worry about pit
stains, and constantly shifting because all of the sudden your arms and legs
feel like giant logs weighing you down; all she’s going to think is “Omigosh. He’s uncomfortable. It must be with me. He hates this date. He’ll never ask me out again. He’s going to
tell all of mankind that I suck and I’ll never date again. I might as well become a miner and never
leave the mine.”
o
If you’re not confident, fake it. Open up your arms instead of folding
them. Drape one over the back of the
seat if you’re up to it. When you fake confidence, she’ll start to believe
you. When she starts to believe you, you’ll
start to believe you. Strangely enough, that leads to confidence, even if it’s
just a little bit.
3.
Eye contact.
We love it. We ladies are very
aware that we have additional anatomy that is probably more compelling on occasion,
but when you focus on that and not on our faces when we’re talking, we feel
like objects instead of people. Don’t
get me wrong, we’re glad you appreciate all of our womanliness – in fact we’ve
probably spent anywhere from 40 minutes to 3 hours of date preparation, so we hope that you notice us at some point during
our time together. But to linger too
long in wrong places and you’ll lead us to believe your IQ is dropping with
each passing second. Also, keeping #1 in mind, we get really self conscious.
4.
Don’t slouch.
A man looks 45 times more attractive when he carries himself well.
5.
Don’t wear free t-shirts you got at
conventions. They never fit well and
make you look cheap. I mentioned the
time we spend trying to look pretty for you.
We’d love it if it looked like you were reciprocating.
Women:
1.
Don’t stop trying. I know too many women who have adopted the “He
should love me for who I am, and I shouldn’t have to try to win him over” thing. True to a point, sure. We don’t want you pretending
to be something you’re not. But c’mon… What man is seriously going to look at a
grown woman sporting a denim jumper with embroidered blocks across the front
and think “Roar. Now, that’s the one for
me!”? You may be a school teacher, but you don’t have to dress like the second
graders. Update your freakin’ closet
already.
a.
Be proud of your figure and know how to dress
it. If you don’t know, learn. There are many styles out there that are
trendy but don’t look good on everyone. For
example - I can’t wear scarves because my neck is the size of a tree trunk and
the length of a Lego. So wearing a scarf
would make my head look like it was sitting contently on my square, linebacker
shoulders. I know that so I don’t go there.
b.
Feel pretty. You’re freaking gorgeous but how is
he going to believe it if you don’t? Own
it. Everyone has assets. Find yours and work on them. Obviously, mine wouldn’t be my neck and
shoulders. If you don’t know what’s pretty about you, find someone you’ll know
who’ll be frank and have them go shopping or do makeup with you.
2.
Pull your shoulders back and smile. Hunchback women do not draw men. You have a bosom. It’s ok if it sticks out. Shoulders back conveys confidence. Confidence is a sign that you consider
yourself worth something. Men will not
fight for something they don’t believe is worth the battle. If you appear that you don’t believe you’re
worth the fight, why in the world would he? Smile because you know you’re worth
it. He’ll believe you.
3.
Did you read that line in the above paragraph
that said “Men will not fight for something they don’t believe is worth the
battle.”? True statement. Seriously.
When you’re on a date, don’t verbal vomit. When we verbal vomit, we tend to over
inform. Pay attention to what you’re
saying so you’re not dumping info on your ex boyfriends, personal failings, or
other negative garbage from your life.
Dating is not a free therapy session.
He didn’t ask you out because he’s dying to know how your boss lied to
you and then hired a total jerk to take your place. Shocking, I know. Be pleasant.
Smile.
4.
Be appreciative of his efforts. Men need to be validated and encouraged. If not, why would they continue?
I’ve got more, but that’s enough for now. Have fun!
