Recently I was asked to be on a dating panel. It’s exactly what you think; six people sitting up in front of a crowd, answering questions. As I looked down the table at the other girls in the panel, high school came to mind. I was sitting with the Prom queen, the head cheerleader, and the captain of the chess club. I guess that made me the class clown. The guys had an equal division of clicks. Yeah, I couldn’t figure out how I fit in either.
The questions were pretty great. There were ones like “How should I ask a girl out?” or “If a girl ignores me, is she playing hard to get or is she not interested?” My answers were pretty simple too; “Just ask her. Chances are good that she’ll say yes (that is if you don’t display any creepy mutant factors)” and “Move along Captain Stalker. . . she’s not interested. Find another prey to harass.” There were other questions addressing whether or not a first date is alright on Valentines day, if and when the girl should pay, what a woman wants in a man, etc.
It was interesting though. Every question was pretty much asking the same thing: How do I not fail at dating? Finally, after several different versions of this one question I pointed out that everyone in the room was in their thirties or forties and single - we’ve all failed. That’s why they held the dating panel in the first place. The only way not to fail at all in dating is to not date. . . But then you’re sitting on your couch every night with no life to speak of and although you’re not having your heart broken, you’re not progressing either- which in my book is the biggest failure of them all. Go date already.
There’s this weird thing in Utah that people only feel comfortable dating someone when they know that person is 100% interested or they’ve already established that they’re a couple. My question is this – How do you know if someone fits you before you’ve tried them on for size? If anyone has ever made you go “Hmm. That’s interesting” at all. . . Ask them out. See what makes them tick. . .They could fit you perfectly.
After the panel, I was approached by several different men saying things like “I’ve learned so much from you blah blah blah. ..” and I just got frustrated. I didn’t feel like anything I shared was new. It was just common sense. All I learned was that the number one thing a man is looking for in a woman is punctuality and in order to get a man’s attention, I need to drop a handkerchief.
The questions were pretty great. There were ones like “How should I ask a girl out?” or “If a girl ignores me, is she playing hard to get or is she not interested?” My answers were pretty simple too; “Just ask her. Chances are good that she’ll say yes (that is if you don’t display any creepy mutant factors)” and “Move along Captain Stalker. . . she’s not interested. Find another prey to harass.” There were other questions addressing whether or not a first date is alright on Valentines day, if and when the girl should pay, what a woman wants in a man, etc.
It was interesting though. Every question was pretty much asking the same thing: How do I not fail at dating? Finally, after several different versions of this one question I pointed out that everyone in the room was in their thirties or forties and single - we’ve all failed. That’s why they held the dating panel in the first place. The only way not to fail at all in dating is to not date. . . But then you’re sitting on your couch every night with no life to speak of and although you’re not having your heart broken, you’re not progressing either- which in my book is the biggest failure of them all. Go date already.
There’s this weird thing in Utah that people only feel comfortable dating someone when they know that person is 100% interested or they’ve already established that they’re a couple. My question is this – How do you know if someone fits you before you’ve tried them on for size? If anyone has ever made you go “Hmm. That’s interesting” at all. . . Ask them out. See what makes them tick. . .They could fit you perfectly.
After the panel, I was approached by several different men saying things like “I’ve learned so much from you blah blah blah. ..” and I just got frustrated. I didn’t feel like anything I shared was new. It was just common sense. All I learned was that the number one thing a man is looking for in a woman is punctuality and in order to get a man’s attention, I need to drop a handkerchief.
3 comments:
You did make good points Casey, of course the guys learned so much, yadda, yadda...and yes, it's just common sense, but most people don't have that, Babe! Pity, eh?
I heart you!
I agree 100%. We also tend to make a lot of assumptions that just aren't true before we really know people. Mark and I spent over a year thinking we were not each other's types before we accidentally found out that we were actually perfect for each other. For that reason - I also strongly recommend NCMO...it sometimes turns into EMO.
It's not just a Utah thing where the guy is afraid to ask unless he's 100% sure that the girl will say yes. We've got that problem here in VA.
I wonder, did they need dating panels back in the day? It just seems like you can scream until you're blue in the face to just ask a girl out, get to know her on a DATE not in a group setting, but the guys will always ask how they can get a date. Just ASK!
Sorry.
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